As the house transforms I sit in my room with one of my closest friends, Jeremy. Eventually my other really close friend, Anthony will come over and we'll drink beer and play this game called Rockband. We use to play it all the time when we were growing up and the newest one just came out. I felt eight years younger when we all sat down with our plastic instruments and pretended to be the Foo Fighters. It's kinda weird now how much we've all have grown up and changed. I have a license now, can buy beer and I'm in college. I don't think I was ever more in the present than when I was a kid. I didn't care about the past or worry about tomorrow, I just lived in the moment with no stress of being an adult. Ignorance truly is bliss.
The weekend has begun and I'm very excited. I'm going to Maine with my girlfriend and we're going to stay at a cabin for a night. It will be too cold before anyone even knows it so it's worth it to go away if it's even for just one night. I haven't been out of the state in a couple months so it's refreshing. Really I can't wait for Sunday night where I'll be back home and just relaxing with my feet up. That is the time I truly enjoy. The time where I sit there with some Portugal. The Man playing and the stress and responsibilities take a break for a couple hours or at least seem too.
When I Stop I Notice
When I stop I notice
the weightless air
breezing by my face
I breath in
Connecting me to the world
as I sit in place
I feel the foundation
the nails that hold
the screws that bind
I feel the walls shift
I see the age of the paint
they have grown with me.
Nothing stays the same
everything will change
Need change
SOMETHING STRANGE!
What's that in the mirror?
something new, a different version
I breath out
Not the same boy that drew on these walls
but a man who paints these walls.
James,
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I hope that you had a great time up in Maine on your getaway.
Good free write. It seems like you were able to sit and simplify for a moment... take in some surroundings and settle in. Halloween decorations, beer, and Rock Band. Sounds like a classic, indoorsy New England experience.
Your poem this week - steps up the game. I like that. I think that it starts off strong - very strong. I like the lines where you start to hyper focus on the small things... down to the nails, screws, and paint. Taking it that way is very cool.
Halfway through the poem, though, there is a shift. It shifts out of the rhythm a little bit, which throws off the pattern. That's ok, but it's noticeable to the reader.
It's that SOMETHING STRANGE line that shifts the mood up and gives new energy to the poem. It doesn't match the calmness of the first part, so keep that in mind.
Overall, great work. Simple. Getting stranger - which is good.
GR: 95